I don't think I was ever really afraid of death. I always accepted it as a natural part of life itself; a cycle of karma and reincarnation. It is the way in which we part the world that was rather worrying for me. But now after the loss of someone, and now that I have found love- my true love, I fear it immensely. I am scared everyday by the thought of being separated without the chance of saying anything to one another, of one of us going first and leaving the other behind. But it is inevitable that one of us will leave first, for age has mercy for noone. I could not fathom the pain I would feel if he were not by my side.
With this love I also fear the idea of not being good enough. I am neither artistic or creative, smart or talented. I don't have anything to wow anyone. I am not athletic, I am not a chef. And yet he is everything. All I am is a girl who blames my poor economic status since birth that hindered me from many opportunities and left me with only the basics to survive. I don't blame my parents - they have done everything they could in their situation and I am grateful. I just don't have anything to offer.
But I also know love is about being brave. Brave- not in the absence of fear, but by the willingness to try and overcome it in order to live the fullest, most satisfying and successful life you could have. And I am trying so hard to be brave, because it is the truth that my soul and his have been entwined since the beginning. All I have in this lifetime however is the enormity of my emotions- I just wonder if it is enough.
