Confrontation is something I like to avoid to the greatest of my ability. The idea of having something for me to acknowledge when I don't want to is really nerve wracking and fearful. I cannot face something I know I should, simply because I am afraid of the outcome, my reaction, and the affect it will have to everything around me- good or bad.
Today I was met with three questions I have never considered so deeply before: what life is about; what was missing in my life; and what I want from life.
I am a very sensitive person, and being asked such deep questions had me try to shut down and not speak. However the person who asked me these questions made me look them in the eye and name everything that comes to mind when they ask what I am missing in myself and in life. I realised then that I couldn't form the right words for all the qualities I believed I lacked. I could not look them in the eye. I was not only tongue tied, but afraid. But what was I afraid of? Why am I afraid of it? How do I stop being afraid of it?
I cried, unsurprisingly, because I have never had anyone ask me these things so seriously and with so much determination to help me find my way. I am a reserved person- I do not like to share my problems and thoughts because it is too selfish of me to put such heavy weights on other people. Finding the courage and telling someone things so private- let alone having to be honest to myself- had me trying to swallow back tears that wouldn't stop falling.
It is scary, honesty. You never know what can happen.
