UMAT.

What better way to wake up on an exam day than waking up late?
Yeah, that's what I did.
I'll take today as a lesson to never stay up on the night before an exam, because if I woke up any later I'm sure I would have not sat for my UMAT exam earlier today. My exam and started at 130PM and I wake at 830AM- not bad right? Well... not when you're me. When you're as fussy as I am about getting ready and looking decent enough to just step outside because you aren't good looking, that's when you'll know.
Moving on, before I went to sit for my exam Maria and I went out to eat. It was really funny but embarrassing, I thought, when we had to literally run out of the restaurant after finishing eating, run to the news agency to buy pencils and pens, and run back to the train station because we had less than 5 minutes...
The train was 5 minutes late!
Argh, that annoyed me, but better late than missing it. We arrived to the hall at 1, and got settled down quickly soon after. We had to wait another hour for everyone else to be admitted in, and then we had out three hour UMAT exam.
To say it was difficult was an understatement. The exam was one of the most challenging test papers I have ever seen. Logical reasoning, skills and development and non-verbal reasoning just blew my head off. It didn't help that I was so sleepy- which I did doze off a couple of times.. hehe.
I think I did okay overall- I actually don't need UMAT to do psychology but I didn't know that until a few weeks ago, which sucks by the way. $1000 down the drain because I don't need it. That's a lot of money for my sister who paid for me since we're so behind on our bills.
Anyway UMAT is done and over with, and all that's left to do now is wait. In the mean time I'm going to be so busy preparing for my trials which start next week (eek! I haven't even started studying lol) and then after that revising even more.
I hope after trials I can have a job to earn some money I lost. Mom gave me $1300 and of that I only have $400 left... Where did the other $900 go!?

• School payments/TAFE travels ($200)
• Dining out ($200)
• Buying online ($50)
• Friends' presents ($50+)
• Shopping ($200)
• Hmm... ($200)

... oops.

Weightloss: Check-in One

It's been nearly a week since I've been on my diet, and though progress is slow, it's there!
I won't post up pictures because God knows how self-conscious I am, but I have the tiniest thigh gap that was never there before, my waist is a bit slimmer and my stomach... well hardly anything but that's because I haven't been working my abs so much as my legs and arms.
I have three days left of the protein diet before I start a week of healthy eating. This past week has been really challenging and I admit I did give in to a couple of foods that weren't allowed, but I made sure to work those calories off. I've been averaging looking 500 calories a day which is not enough for me because I eat 700 calories. I want to work out more but I haven't properly exercised in over 2 years- so what does that say? Haha.
Hopefully I'll get on a scale today, and if not, then Tuesday. If I haven't lost anything... I'm going to scream and starve to be honest.
I'm losing weight but not fast enough, and it frustrates me that I feel fat.
Another thing I've been struggling with is faith. No-one believes I can do it. My younger sister, my family, probably some of my friends. It hurts me because if no-one believes me, can I believe myself? Can I continue to push myself if I am the only one pushing myself? I know that it's all in me, but honestly, I don't feel like I could do this without the help of other people, even if it's just encouragement. I'm independent, but not enough when it comes to something like this.

Sore muscles.

After finding any and every excuse under the sun, I have finally started my exercise and diet regime, hooray!
As said in a previous post before, weight has been a constant issue for me. A constant issue in which I never did anything about it. But now that I’ve found motivation with the help of a significant person who has gone through what I am going through now, I have finally taken the next step to my weight goal.
In an attempt to lose 10kg in two months, my diet consists of a ten day extreme weight loss plan, followed by a week of healthy eating, back again to the ten day diet, and so on, for one month. My ten day extreme diet is similar to the Dukan diet- I only eat foods high in protein and low in carbs. Avoid fruits, vegetables, carbs, and fat. And right now I’m having oh so much fun with what I’m eating right now… not. The fruit at home is beckoning me, and I’m a real sucker for fruit.
For exercise I do 5-10 minutes of strength training in the morning, followed by an hour of cardio, 20 minutes of strength training, and 10 minutes cool down in the afternoon. I know it’s better to exercise in the morning, but I really have no time considering I don’t sleep much- which I know is pretty bad, too.People keep telling me that losing 10kg in two months is too much, but there are a few people who have lost 2.5kg in less than a week. I am sure I can lose a maximum of 10kg by September. I’m 55kg now, so you can do the math. I know, I know. My goal weight is extremely underweight. But what everyone doesn’t realise is that I probably won’t get to that point. I know when I have to stop- I’m not foolish enough to think that being thin is what’s beautiful.  
Whenever I think about it, I feel like I was always meant to be small. Not by height (which, by the way, I’d love to grow some more- like another 6 inches!!!! Please bless me with height :c) but by size. My bones are relatively small but my body is too big. If I wrap my fingers around my wrist, my middle finger touches the middle joint of my thumb. Yeah, I have small wrists. Small hands, too!
I have a fat belly, large thighs, flabby arms. I need to work out my whole body if I want results.
And it sucks. Exercising HURTS. I can’t laugh too much right now because my abdomen will hurt. Even walking up the stairs hurts- and I only started exercising yesterday. Yesterday! Imagine how I’ll be today, tomorrow, and the day after.
I know this is good though. It means I am getting nearer towards my goal. My goal is actually 47kg, but 48-50kg will be okay. In two months I’ll have the body that will blow everyone away, and I’ll make sure to stuff it in the faces of people who have lost me or put me down.
So, do you think I can do it? I think I can. I’ll picture my progress along the way, get ready to see changes!

Break-up season.

Winter seems to be the season of hook-ups- well, maybe in America. Maybe not so much tight now in Australia.
I find it really terrible to find out my friends and their partners ending their long-term relationships because of things that could have been inevitable. And it couldn't come at a better time, too. A couple of weeks before trials and we're all crying our eyes out at night because we miss the one we still love so much but can't do anything about it.
I have noticed the main reason of the break-ups around me centre around the definition of 'love'. What is love? Why do people fall out of love? Can they fall in again?
I'll respect my friends' privacy and not say anything too in depth about it, but I hope they'll get through this with a strong head and forgiving heart. It's hard, I'd know. I can't say anything to make them feel better, but I know this is a phase in which my friends need to experience to gain knowledge for next time. I hope they'll come out as the same person as they were before, but I know it's not likely. You don't come out of a long-term relationship 'fine'. There will always be something that will remind you of them, and in turn make you miss them. I am the epitome of this, having stayed in this phase for a year and a half. Boo.
Anyway, my main reason on this post. Him. The 'He Who Shall Not Be Named' in my life. He's nothing like Voldemort, but he's a forbidden topic amongst my friends. So what's happening?
2 weeks ago my niece turned 20 and we were all drinking. 'Irresponsible, Christine!' I know, I know. But that didn't stop me. Neither did it stop me from accidentally pressing his number and calling him. F*** my life!!!!!! Thank the lord I hung up before he picked up. And now I know he knows, which makes me feel even worse. I wouldn't like anything more right now than to dig myself a hole and crawl in it. I am so embarrassed, and guilty because apparently he got real pissed. I don't know whether I should really know all this, but I do, so I hope Person A doesn't get in trouble, though I doubt it. In advance, sorry C :-(
Right now I'm just wondering how he knew. Did he overhear me in math? Did he remember my number? How how how how how!? I'm stressing, and I can't face him. This is absolutely insane I think I'm going to cry.
See, this is what happens when you love someone, and especially when they're your first love. You will always miss them. Always. Even if they hurt you, or you them, there will always be a memory of you being happy because of them. That's the deal for me. I don't love him anymore but I become wistful whenI look at him. These feelings make me question whether I still love him or not. But I know I don't. There's just been too much time between us that could never be replaced.
I think it would have been easier for both of us if we were still on speaking terms, but that won't happen anytime soon.
Anyway, moral of the story: don't keep their number. Don't memorise their number. Cry all you need to, miss all you need to, but don't hang on to every thread. Fall out love by missing the memories of the person, not the person themself.

Jindabyne, Perisher, Storms and Snow.

I realised too late that I neglected to say I was going to the snows for a week last week, so I am sorry to my small audience but I'm glad you're still checking out my blog :-)

The past week has been fun, boring, cold and tiring. I'm glad to finally be back home in me bed- God knows how uncomfortable the couch was- I kept waking every few hours so I barely had any sleep.

Despite being glad I kinda miss the place we were staying at. The interior was standard but much better than my house and to my liking, and we lived right in front of a river. The snows were a 20 minute drive, and the nearest town centre 10 minutes away. I apologise for my photos now; I took them with my phone so they aren't of the best quality.
 

I don't want to go into too much detail about my trip as it will drag on forever and no-one is patient enough to read what I have to say (I talk too much lol) so I'll just give a small recap. My stay at the snows was technically 5 days- we (4 families) left home Sunday afternoon and got to our rental house at nightfall. We couldn't go to the snows obviously- we were too tired! Monday and Tuesday we went to Perisher; we were supposed to go Thredbo on Tuesday however they didn't have a place for kids to go tobogganing so we had no choice but to go to Perisher. I was a bit disappointed that it was not cold enough for more natural snow to fall and that we had to play with artificial snow. I didn't go tobogganing because my family teased me about something and my spirits to do anything at the snows left me. I spent my time sitting on the ice making snow balls, eating, and playing with my 2yo niece. We were literally living in the clouds on Tuesday! Wednesday we decided to take a break since everyone was so tired. The family decided to go fishing instead, but came back with nothing because there were no fish. Thursday had to be the windiest day I've ever experienced- I couldn't step out onto the balcony without being blown backwards; the wind was that strong! Thursday night was probably the most fun; the kids, some of the adults and I sat down for three hours playing a card game called Pig- it was funny and left me smiling before I went to bed; something which I don't do quite often. And come today and we're quickly packing and cleaning the house before our leave.

The funny thing today was me ordering a macchiato at Gloria Jeans. I actually had no idea what a macchiato was- I ordered it because I watched a Taiwanese drama called Brown Sugar Macchiato and thought it would be nice. Let's just say I am never, ever going to order one again, or anything I don't know. Worst tasting experience of my life lol.

I think I had fun. I hardly got any homework done though so that was a downer. I finished reading Gameboard of the Gods which I'm really happy but sad about; no more new reading material! But it's okay because I always turn back to other books of Mead. I might review it later on goodreads, but I don't think so haha.

The week has been good. The thing I am missing most is the view of the Snowy River.

Nothing could ever compare to the breathtaking view I had the first morning.

There are many things in this world that are beautiful but I have not yet experienced. So to have the pleasure of waking up to the cool, crisp air at East Jindabyne and to the view of the crystalline Snowy River on Monday left me breathless. The river so clam, so blue; the sunrise reflecting off it like a mirror- I cannot begin to describe what i felt as I stood on the balcony overlooking the water. As I breathed in the fresh air that morning I felt so refreshed and invigorated. I felt like a whole load of weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I felt that waking up tot his everyday was what I really wanted; to be away from suburbanisation and to have the smell of clean air enveloping me as I hold a cup of tea in my hands. As i stared into such beauty a small longing crept into me, wistful for a significant someone to share it with. To have their arms wrapped around my torso as we appreciated the view together.

The first sunset was no different, I was left breathless at the spectacular view of the sun setting between the hills, the sky colouring and the water reflecting it. All I could do was stare as much as I could to ingrain such beauty into my memory.

 

In a way I'm glad I decided to go to the snows with my family. If I said no I would have never felt such a strong pull to nature. Despite the chill breeze I wanted to explore the hills and forests surrounding me. I wanted to go hiking and camping- and believe me, I would never go camping. I didn't have the time of my life, but I got to experience something I hardly ever do so I'm thankful.