Winter seems to be the season of hook-ups- well, maybe in America. Maybe not so much tight now in Australia.
I find it really terrible to find out my friends and their partners ending their long-term relationships because of things that could have been inevitable. And it couldn't come at a better time, too. A couple of weeks before trials and we're all crying our eyes out at night because we miss the one we still love so much but can't do anything about it.
I have noticed the main reason of the break-ups around me centre around the definition of 'love'. What is love? Why do people fall out of love? Can they fall in again?
I'll respect my friends' privacy and not say anything too in depth about it, but I hope they'll get through this with a strong head and forgiving heart. It's hard, I'd know. I can't say anything to make them feel better, but I know this is a phase in which my friends need to experience to gain knowledge for next time. I hope they'll come out as the same person as they were before, but I know it's not likely. You don't come out of a long-term relationship 'fine'. There will always be something that will remind you of them, and in turn make you miss them. I am the epitome of this, having stayed in this phase for a year and a half. Boo.
Anyway, my main reason on this post. Him. The 'He Who Shall Not Be Named' in my life. He's nothing like Voldemort, but he's a forbidden topic amongst my friends. So what's happening?
2 weeks ago my niece turned 20 and we were all drinking. 'Irresponsible, Christine!' I know, I know. But that didn't stop me. Neither did it stop me from accidentally pressing his number and calling him. F*** my life!!!!!! Thank the lord I hung up before he picked up. And now I know he knows, which makes me feel even worse. I wouldn't like anything more right now than to dig myself a hole and crawl in it. I am so embarrassed, and guilty because apparently he got real pissed. I don't know whether I should really know all this, but I do, so I hope Person A doesn't get in trouble, though I doubt it. In advance, sorry C :-(
Right now I'm just wondering how he knew. Did he overhear me in math? Did he remember my number? How how how how how!? I'm stressing, and I can't face him. This is absolutely insane I think I'm going to cry.
See, this is what happens when you love someone, and especially when they're your first love. You will always miss them. Always. Even if they hurt you, or you them, there will always be a memory of you being happy because of them. That's the deal for me. I don't love him anymore but I become wistful whenI look at him. These feelings make me question whether I still love him or not. But I know I don't. There's just been too much time between us that could never be replaced.
I think it would have been easier for both of us if we were still on speaking terms, but that won't happen anytime soon.
Anyway, moral of the story: don't keep their number. Don't memorise their number. Cry all you need to, miss all you need to, but don't hang on to every thread. Fall out love by missing the memories of the person, not the person themself.
