Recently I've been getting myself- okay let me rephrase my sentence before it gets a tad bizarre.
Recently I've been reading a lot of fiction that involves bdsm. I'm not sexually active, but sometimes I think to myself "that's the kind of sexual lifestyle I want."
There was a time while I was really into such fiction and it was all I would read. I stopped after a while and when 50Shades came it made me even more reluctant to get myself back into that reading scene. I've started again, thanks to Wattpad and its amazing authors. There was something about this bdsm lifestyle that drew me in. I again wanted to be submissive, to be given that pleasureable pain that so many women in these ficticious novels experienced. I wanted to kneel and give my control to someone else who would love me in a rough way. I wanted to be put on the brink of orgasm but never being allowed to release. oh, God.
But then I ask myself whether I can handle that pain. The blindness, the flogging, the spanking, the gagging, the pleasure in which was being controlled by someone else. I mean, I bruise when my thigh hits the corner of a table, immense pain following. How is it that I will be able to handle the bdsm lifestyle if I can't even handle the corner of a table?
There's also the issue with trust. I am wary of people and don't give up my trust easily. Will I find someone who is into the scene, let alone accept that I want to be a small part of it?
I am no expert on this lifestyle so I don't really know what really goes on. I want a piece of it, and if it's as good as I imagine, I want to be a part of it, too.
I'm really excited to be honest. I can't wait to learn what it means to be submissive for my dominant. I can't wait to experience my first orgasm with pain. I can't wait to have a collar around my neck and leather cuffs on my wrists...
I can't wait.
P.S. There is no influence from 50Shades whatsoever- if you knew me you'd know just how much I hate that trilogy. E.L James is an awful writer- Christian is not deep, Steele (can't remember her name) is imprudish and stupid, and the plot is just terrible. It took me three agonising days to read it and see what the hype is about. If you think that the story was good, you need to re-evaluate yourselves and read real books and novels.
P.P.S. Is there such thing as soft bdsm? I still wonder if I'll ever submerge myself in such rough fucking.
