I’m writing this with a little bit of hesitation, as the events that have transpired the last few days have really been a headache. Is blogging even a thing anymore? Is it allowed, all things considered lately, to vent out on this platform where hardly anyone reads my thoughts?
Let me just say that whether it comes early on or later,
with age and experience comes maturity. I’m
in my mid-twenties but right now it feels like I’m stuck in high school with
childish drama that shouldn’t have ever escalated.
Tunnel vision has led to a lost friendship over something
petty because no-one could agree to disagree. A long-term friendship where both
parties should have known how and what each other were like. Is it so wrong to allow a rage-filled fire to burn out before
confronting someone? To allow some of this negativity to subside and think with
a clear head before people say something they regret? Is it so wrong, to look for advice and opinion
of others for a situation you’ve never been in before, to potentially shed some
light that you may have not seen in the first place? One way is not the only or
correct way for any single person. And now we’ve extinguished the wrong flame.
I’m not a saint or a martyr. I’ve never not made a mistake,
and I always own up to them when I do. I am sincere in my regret and apology. And
if I ever feel conflicted while angry, I will always ask for an opinion because
I know
myself and that I wouldn’t be able to contain my anger about the situation
if I faced it head on. This is me learning from my younger self, who said
things she regretted and lost people as a consequence. I never act like I’m 100% in the right, because
I’m not. Why can’t others be the same? If that’s how they deal with a situation,
and they have done so their whole life, or have changed to because of
experience, why can’t they just do it?
I watched a clip on Facebook the other day, and, loosely
quoted, “Pride is fuelled by the opinion of others, but self-esteem is
something that allows you to check on yourself, improve yourself and to move
forward.” Everyone has both- everyone. But do you value the opinion of
others to know that you’re right, or do you know in your heart that where you’re
coming from is true? I just wished everyone could see that in this situation,
no-one is 100% wrong and no-one is 100% right. Pride doesn’t have to play here. You can still hold your esteem and see where it went wrong.
I was part of the reason of the ‘break-up’, but I was not the only reason. What’s upsetting is the other factors that formed the rest of the reasons were completely disregarded and thrown aside because “it’s not the same.” People will feel how they feel, and it’s completely unfair that only one side’s emotions is validated because it was more ‘severe’. This will be the last time I’m addressing this drama, online and in person. No-one will change their mind, and I will be at peace with that. People change and move apart- it’s all part of life. I never wanted to be here, but I know where I stand with them, and with myself.
