To the people you hold dear to you, how do you explain the inescapable void that you have created and can't let go of? The enormity of the sorrow that eats you up from the inside out? The deep yet blank stares of your eyes?
How do I consider myself beautiful when all I see are the scars of weight gain and self infliction? How and to whom am I worth it when I cannot see how I can contribute anything other than the heaviness that is this emptiness? How can I let someone walk beside me when all I do is walk behind me?
My eyes are but a glass window for me to see the beauty of life but to not experience it. These ears that are blessed with the ability to recognise sounds only seek the melodies of the dejected. My mouth I use to speak but only what is want to be heard.
But the rest? Who can hear me out? Who will hear me out? How do I open up this messed up mind in which I cannot put into words? I cannot pinpoint one thought, but if you were to take the grains out of the sands and the droplets out of the ocean, can you imagine then the vast, dry horizon of everlasting despair? Strip the trees of their leaves and the flowers of their colour like I do, and life is bleak and lifeless.
To the people who love me, I am sorry I cannot return the intensity. I am weak and introverted. But I know I am blessed to have you by my side. Please wait a little longer. I am but a wanderer looking for something I have yet to know what is. I am still learning to appreciate the end of day, and then the rise of the sun. I am still learning to react to love I don't think I deserve. The world is big and I'm just beginning to discover it.
