Tablo,

"Receiving love doesn't mean you have it.

Covering time doesn't mean it passes.

Breathing doesn't mean you live."

- Tablo

Emotional Baggage.

There are times when I regret not ever telling anyone about how I really feel deep inside. There is so much I have to tell, but I don’t know who to. I’m holding a lot in, and it’s hard because everything gets bottled up. Even when it’s overflowing, I don’t shake and explode.

Is it trust issues, or my fear of judgement and opinion? For me it’s a mix of both. I know many of my problems aren’t big, which is why I don’t tell anyone. Who would care about anything that is minor and can be fixed? This is my mindset, this is how I function. It’s worse when it’s a big problem, because I can’t burden someone with my pain. I won’t.

I am an emotional person. I feel deeply, for both myself and others. I hate seeing people in pain, seeing them struggle with this horrid life. I hate myself for feeling that way too, but I don’t stop it. Sometimes I feel like I deserve it. I haven’t contributed to the world; all I’ve done is taken and never given. So why should I ask for happiness?

Bouts of depression come to me whenever they feel like it. It crawls over my soul and darkens it. I become secluded even from myself, giving myself up to the dark and letting go of my light. I blink out, and suddenly so does the world. I am the dark; the shadows are part of me.

How do you counter this? How do you stop feeling like such a waste of space and person to society and the world? How do you pick yourself up? How do you get back on your feet with great determination and say “I won’t let this happen again?” Because I don’t know how to.